love sex and marriage

Today I want to share with you a podcast I recently started listening to, One Extraordinary Marriage. I absolutely love this podcast! Tony and Alisa are down to earth open and honest. You can tell as you listen they are not trying to pretend as if they have everything together, but they are using this as a tool to strengthen their marriage as well as help other marriages as well. If your marriage is great, check this podcast out. If your marriage is in rough waters, check this marriage out. If your marriage is just in a little rut… check this podcast out! I can see every type of marriage benefitting from this podcast.

As a Christian girl, I didn’t really talk about or really ever hear anything about sex growing up other than at school or maybe a friend’s house. Basically, it was a conversation about the “Birds and the Bees” and then wait until you are married. Don’t let me lessen that part of what I learned about sex though. I am beyond thankful for that lesson, and that I was able to wait for my husband and allow that to be something only he and I will ever share together. Even as I write this I can see some people blushing, but I really hate that it is this way. 

Sex is a beautiful thing that God created to happen between a husband and wife. Now, you may disagree with me on that part, but please don’t let that stop you from reading the rest of this and PLEASE don’t let it stop you from checking out this podcast if you are married. AND, it doesn’t matter how long you have been married! I shared this show with my mom and she has been enjoying it as well. *I’ll put an asterisk here and say if you make it to the bottom of this post, then you will read a hilarious story of when my mom was listening to one of their episodes about orgasms.*

Like I said I have just recently started listening to this podcast. So, I’ve listened to about 10 or so shows so far, but have gained so much appreciation for it so far, that I really want to be able to share it and the message behind the podcast with as many of my friends as possible. 

One of my “take-aways” from one particular episode is how they discuss 6 forms of intimacy that can truly help a marriage thrive, not just sex. Don’t get me wrong, sex is one of them! But, I love how they discuss if each of “the 6” are balanced and healthy areas of conversation between you and your spouse, it can take your marriage to a new level. They also discuss about having balance between each of these other areas can actually make your sex life and marriage even better between you and your spouse.

A total blogging fail, I forgot to write down which episode it was that discussed the 6 forms of intimacy, WOOPS! I had planned to give you all the exact episode they discussed it but since I didn’t… I guess that can be a cliff hanger to give you motivation to go and listen to the show. I will tell you, I started the show at their most recent episode, but enjoyed that first one so much I scrolled all the way to the bottom of their 600+ shows and started from the beginning (which is where I believe this specific episode was).

And just for fun, here are a few of the titles of their different episodes:

603: The Kissing Game: Part 1

582: Sleep Naked

577: Navigate the Pandemic together: Pt 1 – Our New Normal

564: Rebuilding Trust with Your Spouse

563: Step into a Sex Challenge: Part 1

562: What she Wants you to Know About Her Orgasm

560: Go Bare Down There?

538: A Simple Thank You

437: Roommate Syndrome

007: Pornography: A Secret That Can Destroy Your Marriage

Now, for the story involving my mom, dad and their NEIGHBOR – hahahahaha! I am laughing as I write and retell you this story. But it also goes to show, how talking about sex can be a little difficult to do outside of one’s bedroom. Not that you need to share the details of what happens in your room, but sex should not be something we completely shy away from and don’t talk about. ESPECIALLY WITH OUR SPOUSE! Not only that but also our children. I personally do not want my children to grow up in a world where what they hear about sex comes from television, their friends, their friend’s parents. I want my children to know and learn that sex is a beautiful thing when it is something shared between them and their spouse, and I want them to learn that from my husband and I. 

Back to the story, like I said, I shared this show with my mom. As many of you know, if you have a vehicle with Bluetooth capabilities, sometimes when you hop in your car and turn it on, whatever you were listening to last will begin to play. Well this particular day my mom and I were sitting on the front porch of my parents’ house (my mom’s cell phone was sitting right next to her) while my dad was hopping into the car to take a neighbor to pick up his own vehicle. Unbeknownst to my dad, my mom had been listening earlier that day to episode 562: “What she Wants you to Know About Her Orgasm”. As my dad turns the car on he begins to hear the radio talking about orgasms and since my mom bought a new car this summer full of new gadgets and not a simple “off” button my dad had no clue how to turn off the radio.

Anyway, if there is anything I would love for you to take away from today’s post is to … I’m sure you’ve already guessed it. But, check out Tony & Alisa’s podcast, One Extraordinary Marriage.

It is okay to NOT be okay, as long as you don’t stay that way.

Friends, who agrees with me that it is okay, to not be okay? 

Especially when you are talking to a friend. But when you are talking about yourself, are you still willing to give yourself the grace to know (that it is okay, to not be okay)?

I want you to know it’s okay to say, “I am not okay”. It takes courage to say, “I am not doing well: I need some help.”

I was listening to a friend’s podcast (She Speaks Stories, you should CHECK THESE LADIES OUT!) and she mentioned hearing a pastor say, “a healthy soul, is a soul that can say, I’m not ok.” 

Friends, if you are not ok, I want you to know I am here (and I know there are others in your circle sitting waiting to be an open ear.) 

Someone in your circle has been put in your path by God to help be your friend and partner in the struggle. 

Don’t be afraid to ask for: 

an ear to listen, 

arms for a hug, 

shoulders to cry on, 

a house to watch your child, 

a meal to drop off at your house, 

or a chick-flick, glass of sangria or brownies with ice-cream type of night.

I know I often struggle to stop and ask a friend, a neighbor, and let’s be honest as a military spouse sometimes it has to be an acquaintance (that can soon be a very close friend) for some help. 

And honestly as a military spouse, we have to be willing to even ask an acquaintance for help because we are new to an area and haven’t made any new friends yet. 

Why is it that so many of us are this way?

How easy is it, and how often do we walk by someone (at church for example) and the conversation will sound like this: 

“Hey! How ya doing?” 

“Good, how about you?”

“We’re doing good.” (while your soul is screaming, I AM NOT DOING OKAY!)

“Awesome, see ya ‘round.” (And you think to yourself as they walk away, another lost opportunity to get some help.)

Hmmmm… how often are we truly doing good? What does “doing good” even mean? If we are truly doing good, is that even where we want to live? To live in the “good”?  I feel like this could be a whole post itself. I heard this quote on one of the blogs I listen to (can’t remember which one) “thriving not striving”. That’s the type of life I want to live, thriving where I am at, not striving to live there. But maybe a post for another time.

Question for you…

Are you sitting in church or bible study feeling lost in the church? Are you sitting with your core group of girlfriends, feeling lost in the mix and as though you are struggling and suffering on the inside? 

Are you feeling as though you can’t share your secret because others will judge you? That they will say, “you’re a Christian, you shouldn’t be dealing with that!” Or how about, “You have such an amazing life, you have… and … you shouldn’t be worrying about that!” 

When you take a light into a dark room, guess what… that room is not dark anymore! You can see where you are going, you can put away and step around the toys left lying around. You can see the crack in the window letting mosquitoes in that are silently coming at you and shut it. 

When we bring light into a situation, light into a dark moment in our life, that darkness has to disappear because there cannot be darkness where there is light.

John 1:5 NIV The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

My prayer for you and myself is that we can be a friend, a sister, an acquaintance who can take notice of each other. Take notice of when our friends seem to be in a dark place. That are spirits can be in tune with those around us. Or that you can be bold enough to tell someone you are in a dark place. 

Daughter, sister, friend, mother, the Bible tell us that we * “are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, so that we may declare the praises of Him who has called us out of darkness into His wonderful light”.

Did you catch the promise? He HAS CALLED YOU OUT, meaning, past tense you are already out of the darkness. 

Grab onto that promise, you can get out of the darkness! Talk to someone! It’s okay to not be okay, but do something about it. Don’t stay in your funk. 

* 1 Peter 2:9 NIV

 But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.”